Showing up…and being louder than the sirens

I couldn’t tell from the stands what exactly was happening on the Clarke Central soccer field. The referee had stopped the clock and our team was walking back to the bench; it looked like a player on the visiting team was lying on the field. Usually though, injured players are given some space. This girl’s teammates were standing over her. Were they singing and clapping? I thought I heard some laughing and then music started blaring out of the stadium speakers. 

Eventually, word got to those of us in the stands that the player was having a panic attack. Sirens going by our stadium had triggered her PTSD. Sirens? Why would that happen with sirens?

Oh, we were playing Apalachee High School: the high school thirty minutes away that was the site of a school shooting. On September 4, 2024, a fourteen year old boy shot eleven people with a semiautomatic assault-style rifle. Two students and two teachers were killed, while seven others were injured. The students who died were both freshman boys, just fourteen years old. 

Back on the soccer field, the loud music drowned out the sirens and the player eventually made her way back to the bench. The game continued, but everyone was rattled. It was crystal clear to anyone there that day this girl was not okay. And how could she be?

The news cycle has moved on. Even though it was just this school year, I didn’t immediately pay attention to the fact that we were playing Apalachee. Everything about that awful day was fresher in the fall. When my other daughter played at Apalachee in flag football, it felt spooky to pull up to the same stadium that I’d seen on the news, where the students were gathered for parents to come find them. I’d heard rumors of students transferring and teachers taking medical leave for PTSD. 

But I didn’t notice the sirens at the soccer game. Our high school is between two hospitals and there are sirens all the time. I notice them now, though. I now think about what sirens can do to a school shooting survivor.

I know it’s unrealistic to expect the world to stop using sirens. I know that this girl will have to find ways to navigate her daily life. I also know this: her team showed up for her in a beautiful and fierce way. They were doing their absolute best to be louder than the sirens. These high school girls were trying to be bigger than the trauma. 

The next week, we happened to be hosting the Clarke Central girls soccer team at our house for a team dinner. I knew that our girls were deeply impacted by the incident on the field and I ran an idea by my daughter and her coach. Could we do something for the Apalachee team that would say, “We see you and we think you are really brave?” I bought posters and friendship bracelet supplies and another mom brought over some kindness cards for notes. After dinner, some of our girls got busy making bracelets while others made a fantastic poster. They also all wrote notes that said things like, “CCHS is here for you! Keep staying strong! We love y’all!” and “Despite everything y’all have been through, you played an amazing game. You have inspired me so much and we are beyond impressed with your perseverance!” 

Obviously, friendship bracelets won’t heal this girl’s trauma. A signed poster for their locker room is a tiny gesture in the scheme of things. Nonetheless, a few days later, I took what our girls had made and dropped them at the front office of Apalachee High School. The woman who let me in, past the multiple security doors, was very kind and appreciative when I explained who the gifts were for and why. As I was leaving, she quietly said, “We’re really just trying to get through track season. Every time the starting gun goes off, some of our athletes really struggle.”

Lord, have mercy. 

I now know that everyday sirens and starting guns at track meets are trauma-inducing reminders for these Apalachee students. How many more things are there that those of us who haven’t been in these situations are clueless about? How will these kids ever be okay? And when they aren’t, how will we show up for them? 

We need the madness of school shootings to stop. We need major gun reform, especially in Georgia, where it is legal to buy a semi-automatic rifle without a permit. We need safe-storage laws. We need more resources for mental health services and better accountability for gun owners.

In the meantime, we can start by showing up for our most vulnerable, over and over again, bigger and fiercer than the trauma. We can do everything in our power to be louder than the sirens.